Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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