Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
