I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
