: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
