My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
