This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
