As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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