Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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