I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
