we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
