oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
