Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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