her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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