I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He has the fingertips of a God
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