Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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