This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
