The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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