It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What a dumb baby whore.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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