if only i could text you this smell
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
