Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Vodka?
Forever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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