we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
