If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
