Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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