and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
