I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize