So drunk its hurt
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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