We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
