Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
