Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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