genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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