We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
