Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
