It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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