why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry about my life...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
