And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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