I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
someone owes me an orgasm
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize