I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
