On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
