we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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