I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
wow bdsm is so cute
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
