You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
