What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
