you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
