Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
