threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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