I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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