i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
