And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
