guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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