She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fill condoms, not promises.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had to cum in my sink.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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