I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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