He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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