I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
