Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
