he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
