Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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