Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
