I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
