what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
