i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
