Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
