I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
