I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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