We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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