But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
