I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
