So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
